Burn Your New Year's Resolutions (and Build a Life that Actually Changes)

Every January we do the same thing.

We stand at the edge of a new year, plant our flag in the sand, draw a bold line and declare—this year will be different. We announce new standards, new aspirations, new achievements. We give them a neat label and call them New Year’s Resolutions.

Gym memberships spike. Journals get bought. Vision boards get posted. Promises are made—to ourselves, to the universe, and usually to social media.

And then… by the second Friday of January—what psychologists now call Quitter’s Day—most of those resolutions are quietly abandoned.

Not because people are lazy. Not because they don’t want change badly enough. But because most resolutions are built on a faulty understanding of how change actually works.

This idea follows closely from my last post, Don’t Wait to Live – Vale Tom K Smith. A reminder passed down to me through my mum after the loss of a man who left a mark: don’t wait until retirement to start living. Don’t delay joy. Don’t postpone meaning.

New Year’s resolutions often do exactly that—they delay real living under the illusion of future transformation.

Why New Year’s Resolutions Fail

Psychologists have watched this cycle repeat for decades. Two patterns show up again and again.

The first is status quo bias—our brain’s deep preference to return to what’s familiar. Even when change is good for us, the pull of old habits is powerful. Comfort beats aspiration when pressure builds.

The second is self‑regulation fatigue (sometimes called ego depletion). We overestimate how much discipline we have available. We stack ambitious goals on top of already full lives and assume motivation will magically fill the gaps.

It doesn’t.

I’ve lived this myself. For years I set big, exciting goals—then stacked them neatly on top of an already overloaded schedule. Work. Parenting. Training. Commitments. Responsibilities. All important. All real.

And then I’d wonder why the new goals quietly faded away.

Most people don’t fail because their goals are too big. They fail because they don’t change the system their life is running on.

“If you want something new, you have to stop doing something old.” — Peter Drucker

Declaring a goal doesn’t make it achievable. New outcomes require new behaviours. New behaviours require time, energy, and focus. And those don’t appear out of nowhere.

Something has to go.

We Set Ourselves Up to Fail

Here’s the uncomfortable truth: most New Year’s resolutions are additive.

We try to add training. Add learning. Add creativity. Add connection.

All without removing anything.

We expect a new life to grow inside the same container.

To achieve new outcomes, we don’t just need to overcome what holds us back—we have to crush the things that quietly rob us of time. The distractions. The time‑leaks. The habits that feel productive but don’t actually move the needle.

You don’t need more motivation. You need subtraction.

Choose Your North Star

Instead of ten resolutions, attempting to perfect every facet of your life, choose two things.

If, by the end of 2026, you achieved just these two things, you’d call it a successful year.

These become your North Star.

They should matter.They should stretch you.They should feel slightly out of reach right now.

Because the real value isn’t the outcome itself—it’s who you become in the pursuit.

Discipline. Focus. Initiative. Stepping outside comfort. Building consistent habits. Learning how to show up when motivation fades.

These are life skills. This is where growth actually happens.

See More. Do More. Be More.

Find the Time That’s Hiding in Plain Sight

This isn’t about turning life into a productivity contest.

Walking the dog. Surfing. Watching your kids play sport. Netflix. Long languid afternoons of love making. Laughing. Rest.

These things matter. They complete your life.

What we’re looking for is something else.

It’s the time we wear like a badge of honour. The busyness we talk about endlessly.

The activity that keeps us feeling productive while quietly helping us avoid the important work.

It’s the stuff that doesn’t really make a difference—but conveniently fills our days.

Hint: it’s usually the things we tell others about when we say how busy we are.

"How are you?". "Busy, you?". "Yeah Busy, so Busy".

A Simple Weekly Reset

I have a friend—Dr Dave.

He’s a great professional (Chiro). Runs a successful business. Coaches other professionals. Loving husband. Father. Former Australian age‑group athlete. And in recent years, he’s thrown himself into freediving.

Years ago, he shared a simple habit with me.

Every Sunday night, he and his wife sit down and look at the week ahead.

Not to restrict life. Not to build a rigid timetable.

But to make sure their habits, actions, and time investment align with what actually matters.

It keeps them honest. It makes space for priorities. It ensures responsibilities are met without sacrificing aspiration.

It’s not about control. It's about intention.

And he consistently achieves what he sets out to do.

The Small Leaks Matter

I stumble too.

I love cooking—for myself, for my two boys (19 and 17, we love good food), and for friends. I don’t love scheduling meals. I prefer inspiration on the fly.

The downside?

I drop into the supermarket far too often.

Those “quick stops” add up. Forty minutes here. Thirty minutes there. Time that quietly disappears.

If I eliminate those trips, I get home earlier. I can head straight out for a jog. Surf with the boys. Walk the beach. Catch the golden glow of sunset. Or simply be more present in the evening with my sons.

Small changes. Big impact.

Everyone Has the Same 24 Hours

Some people seem to achieve so much more in the same amount of time.

They’re not superhuman.

They’re just better at eliminating the shit that soaks up time—and focusing on what actually matters.

That’s the difference.

Burn the Resolutions

New Year’s resolutions aren’t achieved by looking forward.

They’re achieved by looking inward.

Not through grand declarations. Not through climbing ever‑higher achievement ladders.

But through understanding how you actually live. How you spend your time. What you avoid. What you protect.

Through honest reckoning. Focused inner dialogue. Consistent alignment with your North Star.

So burn your New Year’s resolutions.

Instead, build a life that changes—one habit, one decision, one ruthless act of subtraction at a time.

Don’t wait to live.

Burn New Years Resolutions - Blog - Brendan J Neil