Approaching Life With a Sense of Adventure (And Why It Makes Life - and You - More Attractive)

Divorce, redundancy, empty nesting, bankruptcy, cancer diagnosis....

At some point after a major life shake‑up, many people don’t become sad… they become careful.

Careful with time. Careful with money. Careful with feelings. Careful with hope.

Life doesn’t fall apart — it just loses its edge.

Weekends become empty. Evenings become predictable. So do days and then weeks. And joy starts to feel like something reserved for other times and other people — people who didn’t go through this.

This post started as a reality check. I gave a talk this week which included the need for adventure — and had to stop myself when I realised I’d lost touch with my own. Beyond an unforgettable trip to Japan with my boys in February, this year had become comfortable… maybe too comfortable, ironically this "comfort" has in the last couple of months become, well, uncomfortable. And today I was on ABC Radio chatting with the wonderful Sheridan Stewart about single parents facing Christmas, and, this felt like the post I needed to write — for me as much as anyone else.

Here’s the uncomfortable truth:

A life without adventure doesn’t just feel flat — it becomes harder for others to step into.

And no, this isn’t just about sex (though let’s not pretend that doesn’t matter). It’s about energy. Curiosity. Aliveness. The kind of life that invites connection, romance, laughter and new stories.

This post builds on Lonely Weekends After Divorce and One Goal a Day. Survival came first. Stability followed. Now it’s time for something more dangerous:

Fun.

Adventure Isn’t Reckless — It’s Neurological

From a brain perspective, adventure is medicine.

Novel experiences stimulate dopamine — the neurotransmitter responsible for motivation, learning and desire. When life becomes overly predictable (often after long periods of stress), dopamine output drops. The result?

Flat mood. Low drive. Reduced libido. Less confidence. Less interest — in life and in each other.

Add novelty back in and things shift.

Research consistently shows that new stimulus:

• Increases cognitive flexibility

• Reduces stress hormones like cortisol

• Disrupts rumination and emotional looping

• Strengthens habit change

Translation?

Adventure makes you more engaged with life — and engagement is magnetic.

Adventure as an Adult Practice (Not a Midlife Crisis)

This isn’t about buying a motorbike or downloading dating apps in a panic.

It’s about approaching life with curiosity instead of caution.

Adventure, at its core, is the willingness to be slightly uncomfortable in exchange for feeling more alive.

Here’s how to bring that back — without blowing up your responsibilities.

1. Redefine Adventure as “A Bit Risky, Definitely Fun”

Adventure doesn’t need danger — it needs edge.

Trying something new where you don’t know the outcome. Going somewhere without a plan. Saying yes when the old version of you would have said no.

The nervous system responds to uncertainty with alertness. Confidence grows not from winning — but from participating.

Action: Once a week, choose one activity that feels slightly risky to your comfort, reputation or routine — but exciting to your curiosity.

2. Use Adventure to Short‑Circuit Overthinking

You can’t think your way back into desire.

Adventure works because it’s embodied. It moves you into your senses. It interrupts the mental replay of old relationships, old arguments and old endings.

New environments give the brain something better to chew on.

Action: When your mind spirals, don’t journal. Don’t analyse. Change your environment. Let novelty do the work. Drive somewhere you've never been, turn left instead of right, see where it takes you.

3. Make Play Sexy Again (Yes, Really)

Play is deeply attractive.

Adults who play are perceived as:

• More confident

• More emotionally available

• More interesting

After divorce or emotional hardship, play often gets replaced by seriousness and self‑protection. Understandable — but it dulls your edge.

Play doesn’t mean immaturity. It means presence.

Action: Do one thing each week purely because it’s fun — not productive, not impressive, not share‑worthy.

4. Think Micro‑Adventures, Not Fantasy Escapes

Waiting for the “big adventure” keeps life on pause.

Micro‑adventures are powerful because they’re repeatable.

A night swim. A spontaneous road trip. A new class. A different version of yourself in a familiar place.

Momentum beats magnitude.

Action: Aim for one new experience a week. Frequency builds confidence faster than intensity.

5. Become Someone Others Want to Join

Here’s the part people rarely say out loud:

Adventure doesn’t just change how you feel — it changes how others experience you.

A life in motion is easier to step into. Romance grows faster when it’s added to something already alive.

Don’t wait for someone to arrive before you start living.

Action: Ask yourself regularly: If someone joined my life tomorrow, would there be room — and energy — for them?

Three Things That Will Kill Adventure Fast

1. Waiting Until You Feel Confident

Confidence is a by‑product, not a prerequisite.

I'm going to get healthy, then join a gym. I've just got to clean my house a bit before the cleaner arrives... WTF?

2. Confusing Distraction for Pleasure

Scrolling, drinking, numbing — they quiet discomfort but shrink desire.

3. Making Everything “Safe”

Safety without stimulation leads to stagnation.

Final Thought

Adventure isn’t about escaping your life.

It’s about turning toward it — with curiosity, mischief and a little nerve.

Because the most attractive version of you isn’t the healed one.

It’s the alive one.

And that version doesn’t wait for permission.