When is it OK to have Sex After Divorce? (6 Tips and 1 Rule!)

“When Is It OK to Have Sex After Divorce? (Hint: Whenever You’re Actually Ready)”

Let’s be honest — few questions tie men’s brains in knots quite like this one: “When is it OK to have sex again after divorce?”

Some guys think the answer is “immediately, I've waited long enough.” Others imagine there’s some cosmic clock that starts ticking once the last of the furniture is divided. The truth? There are no rules — just choices, and a few consequences worth thinking through.

These are 6 tips, and just 1 rule, to thoughtfully consider before plunging into the mating game. Take from them as you will, however, a clear thoughtful mind never saw anyone waking in the morning trying to chew their arm off to escape an unfamiliar bedroom!

This isn’t about jumping back into love. As Jay Shetty wisely writes in 8 Rules of Love, Rule #1 is “Let Yourself Be Alone.” That solitude isn’t punishment — it’s a reset. It’s where you find out who you are without the noise of a relationship. It’s where you remember what drives you, what matters to you, and what kind of connection you actually want next time around.

But let’s not dodge the obvious: humans are wired for connection — physical, emotional, and yes, sexual. After a marriage ends, many men have gone months (or years) with little to no intimacy. Research by Edwards and Booth found that as many as 23% of couples go without sex in the final 12 months of their marriage. That’s a long time to go without touch, affection, or even the reminder that you’re still desired.

So when the gates finally open, it’s natural to want to run with the bulls.

Tip 1: Know What You’re Really Looking For

There’s a difference between wanting to feel connected and wanting to feel validated. Sex can do both — but the aftermath feels very different. Are you chasing intimacy or affirmation? Joy or distraction? If you’re clear on that, you’ll be less likely to confuse temporary pleasure with long-term purpose.

Tip 2: Honesty is Your Greatest Turn-On

In midlife dating, the biggest aphrodisiac isn’t abs or Audi's — it’s honesty. If you’re just after something casual, say so. If you’re hoping to explore something deeper, say that too. After years of communication breakdowns, clarity can feel like foreplay.

Most importantly, find someone in the same headspace as you. Nothing kills post-divorce mojo like mismatched expectations.

Tip 3: Remember — It’s Not All About You

This one’s crucial. Sex after divorce isn’t just a chance to rediscover your body, it's cravings and desires — it’s a chance to rediscover generosity. Making love is an act of service. A man who can’t consider a woman’s needs isn’t ready to be with one.

For many women, emotional safety and trust matter far more than the act itself. Creating that sense of safety — even in a casual connection — is the difference between release and real connection.

Tip 4: Understand That Sometimes, Help is Healthy

If you’re not emotionally ready to engage with another person — or you simply need to reconnect with your own sexuality in a safe, structured way — seeing a professional sex worker can be a responsible, dignified option. A skilled sex worker doesn’t just cater to physical needs; they often help men rebuild confidence, restore a sense of touch, and reconnect with the feeling of being seen, valued, and nurtured. Also for some men it's a time to explore buried curiosity... and they can only explore that initially with someone who can cater for their needs without judgement or a full blown scene. Think dress-ups, fetishes, S&M, more than just two in the bedroom or even a new gender experiment.

Tip 5: Enjoy the Benefits (They’re Real!)

Sex isn’t just fun — it’s good for you. It reduces stress, lowers blood pressure, releases endorphins, boosts mood, and helps men sleep better. Post-divorce, it can be part of your healing toolkit — right up there with therapy, mates, sauna and exercise.

Tip 6: Write Your Own Rules

Divorce is a reset button. You get to define what intimacy, connection, and partnership mean for you now. Maybe you’ll enjoy a few flings. Maybe you’ll find love again. Maybe you’ll just rediscover what it feels like to live freely in your own skin.

What matters is that you move forward with kindness — to yourself and others.

Because at this stage of life, sex isn’t about conquest or numbers. It’s about connection, confidence, and consciousness — the sweet spot where physical pleasure meets emotional maturity.

So when’s it OK to have sex after divorce? When you’ve taken a breath, looked in the mirror, and said, “I’m ready — not to escape my past, but to embrace my future.”

Rule 1: Buy New Underwear

This applies equally for men and women. Buy new underwear. It's a new you full of good intentions, a sense of adventure and playful joy. You can't subject anyone to saggy elastic underwear that ties you back to a past that's gone... go make love as you would giving a gift, thoughtfully chosen and well wrapped!

When is it ok to have sex after divorce?